CALL OF THE WILD - Opening my 2009 with this shitty mudkicking season!!
Posted by: Bruno Zachariah in Articles
Right, because it seems to me that rain will no longer go away in this part of the world. Muds are everywhere. If I won’t arm myself I’d be stuck inside here forever. For the record, I buy my supplies in the other city (about 121 km), so literally, I need to have this baby. The old and lowered sedan (Accord) just can’t take this torture anymore, a 6’1” tall SUV will be the only one to save my ass in this shitty season…
So where’s the review?! OK, I’m not going further with the details as I simply never care and not really enthusiastic about it. After six days of raping the road with this beast, here’s what I have to say:
First, this is not available in Europe/USA, so we are talking in imaginary corners right now. It’s not a Hummer either, it’s only a small SUV, but apart from the really traditional girlie SUVs (both exterior and interior) this one is literally built tough for an ultimate offroad experience. Nothing gets more stupid buying an SUV who is twice expensive than this but will only break in half once battling with intense Asian muds and rocks!
Now, driving this shit feels like driving a Sedan! I was told by some sub-humans that the ride was stiff, but I’m pretty sure that they’re talking about the early models. I’m buying a 2009 Model so I’ve no idea what are these roasted monkeys complaining all about! The suspension is smooth (according to me) and the interior is too roomy, you can even fuck six Filipina midgets or three six footer chic inside, doggie style!
Of course, you’ll be missing the Sedan. I don’t think such vehicle of this size can race down the road not unless if you’re a wasted scum and don’t mind rolling over. It goes way fast on a straight lane, but just like any other SUVs, better watch the curves – and we certainly don’t have enough straight lanes here! Again, no complain on the suspension as long as it can tackle all kind of rough roads. If you want comfort go buy a limo, dumbass!
As for me, not much complain on the comfort and the luxurious interiors. It has Bluetooth (though it’s not a necessity for me) and a steering wheel that has an audio switch – most important thing, if you ask me. The ride will not be complete without the loud music on. Certainly no crappy Black Metal loaded here but Black Sabbath’s Headless Cross CD completed my first offroad experience with this beast!
Speaking of interiors, I covered those leather seats with what they call a ‘seat cover’ and put matting down there, because obviously, I don’t drive in bare feet. I drive with my boots on and I don’t think those furry luxurious floor can handle this hell of a mud! Airconditioning is as cold as Norway (never been there) with a climate control that is ready to freeze your soul!
The exterior is excellent! The front looks like a bulldog ready to bite, but this nose isn’t flat! Right, it’s just a pretty snobby look and I got mine in black – which give further emphasis to the hellish eyes (headlights), giving it a more angry look. If you’re looking for girlie smiling SUVs with ultra comfortable suspension for your wife and kids, look elsewhere you worthless fatherhood fuck!
Why I did this review is I don’t know. Maybe because I’m bored reading tough guy reviews and hmmm… isn’t that a lot of metalloids were busy reviewing all the free stuff sent to them by labels right now and started acting like they know a lot of things inside a message board (I won’t bother mentioning the download gooks) – there’s no need to fill in myself into a deed that millions are already doing. Fuck that shit! I’ll do whatever the hell I want to do here!
Negative: Spare tire is stored underneath the vehicle! You must be super strong doing bench press to take this shit out otherwise, a balloon tire will simply fall and smash your face!
